My Dad Was Nearly James Bond by Des Bishop

Author:Des Bishop [Bishop, Des]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780141972282
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2011-09-10T04:00:00+00:00

On the night of 15 July 1995 I took my last drink and drug. I am confident I will never be back there again and I am the furthest thing from being afraid.

22

It was really AA that brought me closer to my father. The beginning of that process happened when I made my amends to my dad when I was about a year sober. I had been a very earnest worker of the AA’s twelve steps when I got going. I sort of wanted to be the best possible recovering alcoholic I could be.

I quite liked showing off at meetings about how quickly I was getting through the steps and I liked to be really articulate, interesting and funny when sharing things at meetings. It was all part of my need to perform and my youthful desire for attention. I don’t regret that, because that drive was very helpful to me in those early years and I made it my business to become very educated in the language and skills of recovery. I am sure I was very annoying but I certainly did not have many cravings for drugs or alcohol once I got into it.

I had a bit of zeal about spirituality at the time. I was a real believer in those early years in recovery that some sort of god was guiding my existence. I meditated a lot too at that time and was obsessive about trying to be a good person. I was kind of like the ideal student of the twelve steps. I was desperate though when I first went there so I was not much in the mood for questioning the process. I have no problem questioning it now, but I know that sense of purpose gave me a structure that really worked for me early on.

So I got to step eight and found myself listing out all the people I had harmed and, as was promised in the steps, I felt an easing of the shame and guilt from the things that I had done. I was nineteen and really I had not harmed that many people. The main victims were my parents and they were very understanding about alcoholism. Indeed, it was mainly because of them I was in AA; they had made me aware of my problems early on and also made me aware that there was a solution. After listing all the people in the eighth step it was time to make direct amends to them, as it says in the ninth step.

I’m not sure I was even planning to make my amends to my dad on the day we had the conversation. I have a faint memory that there was some tension between us around then. I was on the phone to my mother and she asked me if I wanted to talk to Dad and I was not really in the mood; but she said that he knew I was on the phone and would be offended if I did not talk to him.

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